Long time readers of my blog have probably realised by now that I'm not the most confident of people, especially when it comes to my work.
Despite the incredible last few months of 2012, I have started 2013 feeling a little lost. And not being able to get back to work properly due to poorly children has set a flame of panic alight in my head. I don't know about you but the longer I go without being creative, the more anxious and sad I start to feel.
Yesterday I started to feel a bit broken, and like I'm failing. I'm not sure that I felt like I was failing in my work, or just letting myself down by being so muddled.
A chat with a lovely friend turned my mind around though, and she reminded me that fear of failing is also a factor in success. She said that it's good as I won't get complacent and stand still, instead I'll always be striving for the next piece of goodness.
And she's right.
And even better, as I walked home with a poorly little Theo fast asleep in the buggy, I remembered my resolution: Be Kinder To Yourself. And then it made sense.
I don't need to achieve everything this minute. I don't even need to do it this year. I just need to keep moving forward. And stop comparing myself to others. That especially isn't helpful, but it's another something a lot of us creatives seem to struggle with. And to keep my notebook with me all the time to scribble down those ideas whenever they appear.
Lack of time and space to work in is an issue. Lack of money is an added complication. Having little children get poorly when I have a to do list as long as my arm isn't helpful.
But all of these things make my business happen the way it does.
Perhaps without these hurdles I would do everything differently, and perhaps it wouldn't work out so well. Trying to establish a business with two small children is really hard, but it wouldn't be the business it is without them.
So I'm going to try very hard to be kinder to myself and think that maybe my feelings of failure aren't a flaw after all, maybe they're just another part of me and my business. And one that will in time contribute to it's success.
P.S. All of these sketches are ideas for new products that I have been scribbling in between poorly toddler cuddles. What do you think?
P.P.S. I hope you don't mind me sharing this, I have a feeling that I'm not the only one struggling with feelings of failure so I thought it might be good. Maybe it goes hand in hand with creativity, even for the most successful of people?
P.P.P.S. I have exciting things to share tomorrow including my awesome tour around a paper mill and The Great Carrot Growing Experiment so do pop back!